HONEST ABE'S
NLP BOOK REVIEWS

Written and Produced
by Andy Bradbury (author of "Develop Your NLP Skills", etc.)


Reviews: Part 21





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The Title
Name(s) of the Author(s)
Publisher and ISBN Number [this will be for the paperback version except where the number ends with (Hb)]

Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman
Bloomsbury   ISBN 0-7475-2830-6
In light of some of the reviews that have appeared elsewhere, the first thing I'd like to say about this book is that it does include various descriptions of how to apply the information that Goleman supplies.
Having said that, however, it is fair to say that the book is way too long, contains innumerable repetitions, and the "how to" sections aren't always recognisable as such unless one is already reasonably familiar with the basic subject matter.  Despite his years as a jornalist, I frequently had the feeling that the author, who has a Ph.D. in psychology, was writing for an audience of his peers rather than for the average layman.
So, whilst the criticism of lack of practical instruction is not entirely justified, it is easy to see why it has come about.

Another possible reason for criticism is that Mayer and Salovey, the authors of the 1990 article which provided the starting point for Goleman's book, seem to be less than completely satisfied about the way Goleman has translated their work.  Which is fair enough, except that it is very doubtful whether anyone would be discussing emotional intelligence today if Goleman hadn't written his bestseller.

My third qualification relates to Goleman's seemingly unquestioning acceptance of the sociobiology/evolutionary psychology/"genes rule OK" viewpoint, even though he admits that it amounts to nothing more than "conjecture" (page 4) and regularly provides evidence that even a cast iron genetically-based characteristic may still depend on environmental conditions ("nurture") to decide whether it will, in practice, be active or dormant..

And despite the criticisms, I'd still recommend this as an introduction to the subject of emotional intelligence if only because it gives us so much detail about the subject.

It is fair to say that EI is actually nothing new.  Even the label can be traced back to a doctorial thesis from some three years before the Mayer and salovey article, and it is quite clear that many of the basic concepts have been under investigation throughout much of the 20th century.
It is also a fact that even the most basic element of the subject: a definition of the term "emotion", is still far from being universally agreed.  Even the argument that the Latin root of "emotion" - motere plus the "e" prefix - means "move away", and therefore emotions rather than thoughts must be the things that motivate us to move or act, which seems to be taken for granted throughout the book, is actually highly questionable.  Fear, for example, may motivate us to act (run away), but it may cause some people to completely freeze up.  And whilst anger may trigger a physical attack, joy may be felt as a warm internal glow which does directly trigger any activity at all.

It seems to me that the subject of emotional intelligence is still one where there is everything to play for, though Goleman's book still seems way ahead of many of its rivals so far as it recognises the brain and as a single, integrated system, as compared to any number of wanna be's which tackle the mental aspects of EI, but more or less entirely ignore the fact that emotions, whether they move us or not, always have a physical dimension.

To sum up, when I look back through my own copy of Emotional Intelligence I find a wealth of highlighting.  Some passages are those I wanted to remember, some are passages I disagree with, and some relate to topics for further research.  As far as I'm concerned that means the book was well worth buying, and well worth the effort of struggling through to the very end.
Not a book for those who like their reading to be simple and relatively effortless, but for those prepared to go the extra mile:
Highly recommended   *  *  *  *  *  *  *
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Working with Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman
Bloomsbury   ISBN 0-7475-4384-4
Goleman's second book on emotional intelligence, this time with a very clear focus on the use and practise of EI in the workplace.
It may be useful, but it isn't essential, to have read Emotional Intelligence before you read this book.

This volume follows the same basic formula as the original book, supporting the basic propositions with a wealth of research material..  Yet for some reason (going by the printing history) it hasn't had anything like the success of the original book.
It may be that some readers have seen this as a second journey through the same territory, but I don't think this is strictly true.  Apart from anything else, this book centres around the set of 25 "emotional competencies" which Goleman adapted from Salovey and Mayer's original modeI (see Table 1, pages 26-27).  Although the list has subsequently been pruned to just nineteen competencies, I'm not entirely convinced the merging was either necessary or entirely effective.

Another valuable part of the book, at least as far as trainers/educators are concerned, is Table 2, pages 251-253 where Goleman seeks to head off the opportunists by offering a substantial list of Guidelines for Emotional Competence Training.  The list will prove useful, I imagine, both for those who wish to build EI-related course materials and for those individuals and companies who require some way of evaluating a course they may consider buying into.

What fascinates me personally in these books is not just the overall vision but also the vast amount of almost trivial information which can turn out to have far-reaching implications, depending on how one relates them to the wider picture.
The inevitable cost of being so detailed, on the other hand, is that our knowledge is constantly expanding, and often changing in the process, so that we now (2003) know that it is not in fact true that the human brain has gained anatomical maturity at age 15 (as suggested on page 199), but continues to develop even some of its basic functionality as late as our early-mid 20s.

Having said that, Working with Emotional Intelligence appeared to me to be a highly readable and useful follow up to Goleman's EI bestseller.
Highly recommended     *   *   *   *   *   *

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The New Leaders (Primal Leadership)
Daniel Goleman, Richard Byatzis & Annie McKee
Little, Brown   ISBN 0-316-85766-1
This is Goleman's third bite at the EI cherry (published in the US as Primal Leadership), and despite the involvement of two co-authors, it's beginning to show signs of age.  Not least, I suspect, because as Goleman himself acknowledges, he is writing descriptive books, not "how to" books.
"Is this really wise?" we might ask.  After two fact-filled books published in 1995 and 1998 I imagine many readers already have a fairly clear picture of the "what" of EI, so a "how" book is long overdue.
(In my opinion readers will need to have a reasonable understanding of the material in one of Goleman's earlier EI books, especially Working With Emotional Intelligence, in order to get the most out of this third volume.

Although I see plenty of highlighting in my copy of The New Leaders, I also notice two large "deserts", one in each half of the book, where nothing at all has caught my attention such that I felt the need to mark it up for future reference.  I found no such deserts in the two earlier books.

Still worth reading, if your interests lie in this direction, but maybe without the mould-breaking impact of the first two EI books.
Enthusiastic recommendation     *   *   *   *  

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Achieving Emotional Literacy
Claude Steiner with Paul Perry
Bloomsbury   ISBN 0-7475-4135-3
Although no specific claims are made, this appears to be an attempt to wed TA (transactional analysis) and EI (emotional intelligence).  If it is, it sure didn't work.  Bits of TA jargon are certainly bandied about, but I believe readers would need to already have a basic understanding of TA in order to fully appreciate what is being said.  As to the emotional intelligence, despite the cover design and the brief references to Mayer, Salovey and Goleman (pages 23-4 and 26) it has little or nothing to do with emotional intelligence as that term is generally understood.

As I struggled through this book it rapidly lodged itself amongst the top three all-time worst books I've had the misfortune to read during the six or seven years I've been running this site.  By page 92 (out of 217 in the main text) I was ready to dump this book in favour of a few hours spent watching paint dry.  In my opinion this is a prime example of sloppy thinking, sloppy writing and sloppy psychology.  Thus:

Sloppy thinking

"Empathy is a form of intuition about emotions. ... When being empathetic we don't figure out or think about, see, or hear other people's emotions."
(page 43)

Why not?  Because, according to this book, "empathy is actually a sixth sense with which we perceive emotional energies ...".  Yet only a couple of pages later we are told:

"We hone our powers of empathy by asking questions ..."
(page 45)

and

"Honest feedback is the sole means of heightening one's empathetic intuitions."
(page 46)

Which is going to be a neat trick if, in order to exercise this "sixth sense", "we don't figure out or think about, see, or hear other people's emotions."
And it doesn't stop there.  Apparently we really do have to get our feedback without asking questions:

"We don't usually ask people why they are doing whatever they are doing.  We probably would not get a reliable answer even if we did ask."
(page 103)

Wow!  So how do we get this information?

"When we want to figure out why people do what they do we are forced to largely rely on our intuition."
(page 103)

So I must get feedback, but I mustn't ask questions, right?

Umm, no.  You've obviously misunderstood, because in the section headed "INTUITION IN ACTION, A CASE STUDY ", which runs from pages 104-106, 'Megan' questions 'Jane', her co-worker, to find out why Jane is upset about 'Beth', another co-worker:

" 'Are you sure you don't resent something about her that's influencing your judgement?' she asks as gently as she can."
(page 105)

But Jane disagrees with Megan's intuitive analysis of the conflict, and we are told that in situations like that we have two basic choices: (a) Forget about it, or (b) Insist that your intuition is correct!

And option (b) is best because my intuition is more reliable than someone else's view of the causes of their behaviour, right?

Certainly not!  Are you sure you're paying attention?  Look:

"If we continue to get denials and dismissals of our intuitions, our efforts to figure out what is going on may lead us far off the mark, especially if we have an active imagination."
(page 105)

Oh.  Okay.  Let me see if I've got it right now.
I must be empathetic without thinking about it, and I can develop my empathy by getting feedback, but I mustn't ask questions to get that feedback because my intuition is more reliable than what people say about themselves, so I should insist that my intuition is correct.  Remembering, of course, that if the feedback doesn't agree with my intuitions then it's no use me depending on my intuitions because my intuition is likely to lead me astray, "especially if [I] have an active imagination".
Right?

I'm sorry, would you like to repeat that?

No!

Okay, try this one for size:

Sloppy writing

"Donna has been having misgivings about her friendship with Craig for a long time.  Over the years she has developed a hunch that he is interested in her as more than a friend, which makes her uncomfortable....
Things change when Donna meets Justin and they move in together.  Suddenly Craig stops calling."
(page 107)

So, from what you've just read, how long would you say Donna and Justin have known each other when they move in together?

"Donna meets Justin and they move in together".  Hmm, certainly doesn't sound like very long, does it?  I'd guess at a few weeks.  Certainly no more than a month or two.  What do you think?

I would have guessed the same as you, but see what Craig tells Donna on the next page when she asks him why he has cut himself off:

"Well, okay, since you asked, I will admit that I was a little bothered years ago when I asked to meet Justin and you said no.  Then, later, when you started dating him seriously, you never introduced us."
(page 108)

Are you sure this is part of the same story?  Maybe it's three other people with the same names?

I don't think so.  Looks more like pure carelessness, to me.

Sloppy psychology

"In the last two decades popular psychology has led us to believe that we cannot cause feelings in others.  You may have come to believe this false idea ...
(page 89)

and

"The mistaken belief that we cannot make one another feel is the high point of emotional illiteracy."
(page 90)

But does the book offer any support this highly dubious proposition, other than the author's personal opinion?  On the contrary, we are actually offered evidence that people really are responsible for their own emotions, thus:
After faking anger to put down a delegate during a lecture the speaker asks the audience, "Did anybody feel anything?":

"Many hands shot up.  One by one people voiced their feelings.  I had made some of them angry.  Others were embarrassed, while others felt afraid. ... I had proven my point.  A number of people had been made to feel strong emotions by my staged response..."
(page 91)

How, I wonder, does the author imagine this provides proof that "a number of people had been made to feel strong emotions" by his actions?

  • There is a clear statement that not everyone in the audience experienced "strong emotions" of any kind at all
  • Those that said they felt something didn't all experience the same feeling
  • Where is the proof of a 'cause and effect' relationship?  Just because you did xyz and I felt abc does not, in itself, prove that by doing xyz you made me feel abc - or even that your actions had any direct effect on me at all.

Which pretty much sums up the whole thing, as far as I'm concerned.  If, as the book argues:

"Every emotion we have has a definite cause and is usually related to someone else's behaviour"
(page 89)

And if we are being made to have these feelings, then what is left to talk about?  How can someone be "emotionally literate" when everyone else has more control over that person's emotions than they do themself?
End of story.

In my opinion,this book is just another attempt to jump on the EI bandwagon without actually having much, if anything, to say that's of any real value.  In short, a waste of paper and ink.
Recommendation:  Avoid it.

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The Emotional Hostage
Leslie Cameron-Bandler & Michael Lebeau
Real People Press   ISBN 0-932573-03-7
This won't be a long review because I have just three criticisms:

The first criticism is not so much about what's in the book as what isn't in it.
On several occasions quite fundamental topics - future pacing, chunk size, criteria, anchoring, etc. - are covered far too briefly, because we are referenced out to the authors' other books for full details.  Now this wouldn't be so bad if the book were so jam packed with good stuff that there was no room for any more details.  But that just isn't the case.  On the contrary, it is my impression that at least half the text could be cut without in any way diminishing the overall value of the book.
This may possibly be a way of trying to drum up business, but it doesn't seem to show much consideration for the interests of the readers.

The second criticism is summed up in just one sentence:

"It's too much to ask of yourself to make the necessary evaluations and behavioral adjustments while you are submerged in the emotion and the situation that has triggered it."
(page 156)

Yes indeed, and it is this tendency for strong emotions to appear, and swamp us, in an instant that makes the whole subject so relevant.  Unfortunately the rest of the book seems to totally ignore this simple fact and basically gives us nothing more than a model for changing negative emotions into useful emotions - at a totally rational level!
The idea seems to be that we should anchor a change routine for every negative emotion so that the onset of such an emotion would automatically trigger its replacement by our chosen alternative.
Not necessarily a bad idea, were it not for the fact that we are told, quite early on:

"The first step in utilizing your emotions is to recognize what they are signaling you about. ... Feeling overwhelmed is usually the result of attempting to achieve outcomes that are too imposing or too numerous to be accomplished in the time you have available."
(pages 36-37)

Okay, so if all emotions are important signals that we need to take notice of, what's so clever in creating processes which will automatically transform one of these messages into something else before we've had time to even register it?
Quite apart from the hint of "one size fits all" thinking implied by this approach, I also have serious doubts about the logic that all emotions have nice straightforward messages.  Feeling overwhelmed, for example, may just as easily be a signal that we lack faith in our ability to deal with a situation even though, in fact, we have all the resources we need to meet the requirements of that situation in a thoroughly competent manner.

The third criticism is that the book is effectively back to front.
The climax of the book comes in Chapter 10, when we are introduced to what the authors call the "Generative Chain" - the process for transforming one emotion to another.  Moreover we are told, on the penultimate page of the chapter, that there is an "essential pattern that underlies all generative chains".
Regardless of how valid one thinks this model is, in my opinion the whole book would have been radically transformed and improved if this model had been introduced at the beginning of the book and used as a framework for everything else.  Leaving it until so late (just 19 pages from the end of the main text) simply seemed to emphasise the rather inane repetitiveness of the rest of the book.

Conclusion: A few useful ideas drowning in a sea of waffle.  Not worth the effort.
Not recommended

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Maps, Models, and the Structure of Reality
Kim Kostere & Linda Malatesta
Metamorphous Press   ISBN 1-55552-007-3
Although it's subtitled "NLP Technology in Psychotherapy" this is a book I think will be invaluable to anyone at novice through to intermediate level.  In a remarkably small space (about 112 pages) and with lots of useful dialogue fragments to illustrate their points, the authors have skilfully summarised the essence of NLP modelling, including presuppositions, the meta model, description (an area seldom covered in other NLP texts), various forms of reframing, and the use of metaphor.

As Leslie Cameron-Bandler (now Leslie LeBeau) writes in her brief Preface: "all practitioners of NeuroLinguistic Programming should have the knowledge contained here thoroughly integrated into their every experience and behavior.  Without it, practitioners are merely performing recipes and violating the very tenets from which NeuroLinguistic Programming springs."

The one potential fly in the ointment, as far as I can see, is the emphasis on "Six Step Reframing" and "Contextual Reframing" (pages 80-88).
When this book was first published (1990), the Six Step Reframing process, derived from Virginia Satir's "parts parties", was widely accepted as one of the standard NLP techniques.  During the 1990s, however, a growing number of people have questioned both its usefulness and its safety.  Richard Bandler announced that he had come up with a more effective technique, and a number of NLP therapists suggested the possibility that the Six Step process had the potential to cause personality fragmentation in some clients.
In all fairness, I am aware that many NLPers still find the Six Step process very useful and, as far as I know, there are no officially recognised cases of anyone developing schizoid or schizophrenic symptoms as a result of using this technique.

So, with the one qualification outlined above, this strikes me as being a very useful primer and reference work for newcomers to NLP.
Highly recommended     *   *   *   *   *   *

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Andy Bradbury can be contacted at: bradburyac@hotmail.com